trauma

Two things i learned from the trauma summit:

one of trauma’s hallmarks is the idea that there is not enough time.

the physical anxiety of mentally waiting for the next assault is a component of trauma.

These two things defined my life. And, I gotta tell you, I really interpreted life as a series of assaults on my sovereignty and plans that I had to figure out how to fix to move on with my plans. And I was absolutely positive that i was playing against time, and the fear of there actually not being enough time (and enough skill) to actualize my potential – terrifying.

I had balancers, in spiritual and human potential ideas, but I was into the hurried, assailing world hook line and sinker.

I am extremely grateful to be slowing down and disinvesting from that energy field and mindset and method of operation. I can’t imagine how I would’ve done it without pain.

I don’t want to fetishize pain. Pain is no fun. But if it’s here, it must be possible in some version of the world that it’s here to help. That’s the version I want to live in. In any case, I want to live in a world of presence and compassion and savoring and natural timing. However you get there, it’s the place to be.