my orientation

Today I read in Paul Selig’s latest book (I’m going to paraphrase because the book is in the other room and it really hurts to walk) ‘when you make the decision that everything that comes to you is¬†for you, without exception, coming to you as a requirement for growth, that’s when life gets interesting. When we can meet everything as definitely an aspect of God coming to us to be witnessed, related to, and loved as only we can love it. Yeah, that’s a paradigm shift, and the upgrade of all ¬†upgrades.

Do I have pain because i’ve done things wrong and continue to do them wrong? Matters not: It’s here, so it is obviously a requirement for my growth, which i will meet with humility, witness, relation and love. Yeah, that’s so much better than the feeling of the last few days. Maintaining it, remembering, that is the key. but the good news is that when i forget, it becomes unbearable, making me reevaluate and remember. (how many things in my life i’ve learned and forgotten… six months later: wait! i’d already solved this! I shouldn’t admit that, but it’s true.)


I’ve been flared up which has given me time to watch the Collective Trauma Summit, lucky, lucky me. I’ve learned a lot. I’m buoyed by knowing there are so many talented, brilliant, caring people out in the world seeding connection, compassion, presence and love. I’m grateful to be a blood cell in the current of this artery (is that too weird? i want to feed and expand this pathway, seemed like an ok metaphor)

Everybody, and I mean everybody, talked about the importance of being in your body. Everybody. Several gave nice practices. It made me so excited.

There is no way I would be in my body without this illness – every freaking chance I get to re-speed up, I do (even if just a little). This illness has forcibly placed me – exactly where I want to be. Everyone I respect most talking about what to actually do to bring about society that cares for EVERYONE, they’re all saying, “be here.” and literally, I am exactly there. And, make no mistake, I would not be here. I didn’t even know what here meant. here was just about the most uncomfortable place in the world. i could sit still for 1 second before jumping off into an activity or a mental chattering. being in my body, grounded, still, open, curious, receptive… this did not exist for me. It does now. I have pain to thank.

<insert whole: ‘i’m ready to grow without pain’ section>

I know the value of being in my body, and I’ve developed a lot of practices to lure me back when I get caught up in the mental stream. I really love them and I am excited to express more as that comes. but this dance of being in the body and being in the mind and coming back to the body and being in relationship mindfully, and being in relationship through a mask of isolation – it’s all unfolding, carving that riverbed.

I spend a lot of time consciously turning my attention to my feeling state. I do it a lot.And i’m still at the very beginning of actually “getting it”. so happy to be on the ride.