Welcoming the new (at the expense of the old) is a core tenet in my evolutionary outlook. If we’re comfortable, we might not be growing. That razor’s edge between surrender and creativity is a fine line to walk.
It became obvious this weekend that it’s time for me to go back into the world of employment. A new law passed in CA last year that has impacted my husband’s business and cost a couple of key clients. My daughter is old enough to drive my son to his activities. I’ve been enjoying offering Bodyfulness practices for 6 months, but I haven’t been able to achieve any kind of momentum with it. After 17 years out of corporate environments, it’s time for me to go back in.
The last few times I’ve toyed with the idea, the results were disappointing. This time, I can’t worry about that. I’ve got a wide variety of skills and talents (hard to capture on a resume) and I want them to go into service in the world. If only I’d been finishing my Masters via mail order…
I’ll admit, I’m uncomfortable. I’m also excited. I’ve loved being home, and I loved working at all of my various jobs. I’m truly a people-person, and it’s been a little lonely. I’m particularly excited because during my last go as an employee, I wasn’t nearly as balanced or grounded as I am now. I get to go into this new phase with a wealth of new skills garnered from parenthood, illness, extended travel and deep personal work. I’m convinced I’ll be a better employee than I’ve ever been. Now it’s time to convince someone else.
I’ve had a lot of success in my life and career. I’ve also had a fair amount of failure. They say we learn more from our failures, in which case I should know a lot. But, one thing is for sure: I am yearning to contribute. I really want to be a voice for freedom and light and love in the world. There are just so many things to be angry about – and verifiably so. But we don’t change anger with anger. And, truthfully, I’m not sure how we change it. I know that in my own life, it comes from slowing down, from listening, from empathizing and getting creative about new ways to move forward. This way of being has provided more harmony in my life than I imagined possible. My hope is, whatever is next for me, I can broaden the circles of harmony, the approach of light & freedom.
I’m disappointed in myself that I haven’t been able to make my entreprenurial ventures pan out. I also know people more intelligent, connected and wealthy that are in the same boat. I just have to trust that by being who I am and being open and engaged, I’ll find a way to maintain my light and share it.
This is the hope. Wish me luck!