collisions of consciousness

I am pretty good at being. just being. i am less good at doing these days, in part due to illness, in part due to laziness, perhaps lots of other parts with lots of other reasons, some valid, some ridiculous. I fully recognize that the confluence of circumstances leading me to have the time and inclination to be extremely ‘being’ focused is a luxury beyond measure. I am grateful. I feel a little guilty, and a variety of other feelings, some valid, some ridiculous. But, overall, I am well-rested and happy in my family relationships, so I’m one lucky specimen. I also feel that I’m part of (if only a tiny, off-in-the-corner part of) the evolution of humanity, life itself’s expression on earth right now. I feel committed to being the solution – of equality, care, Michaelle Small-Wright’s “Behaving as if the God In All Life Mattered” (best title ever), unplugging from the constant onslaught of consumerism and status.

And then, I get a load of myself from the consumerism and status point of view, and I do not fit the mold. I kindof suck by a number of metrics. and still, this part of me wants to straighten myself up and measure up a bit better in this paradigm.

Thankfully, bodyfulness practices take me out of measurement and comparing most of the time. But, my mind has been dragging me back every chance it gets. But with Paul Selig’s new book coming out soon, I am reminded that I am a growing, evolving being and any measurements I try to take reflect a dedication to a past that I do not wish to recreate. When I identify with life itself moving through me, as a being on this planet at this time in relationship with life and people and culture, I am curious as to what I’ll get next. When I identify with this midwestern smartypants female, I get real tied up in that smartypants bit. And I’m not. Maybe it’s the brain fog, maybe I was never quite as clever as I felt, but I don’t know nearly what I thought I did and I’m glad I finally realized it. I also know far more than I’d ever imagined about wildly different things, and I’m delighted life took me in that direction. Had I been trying to find it intentionally, I may well have missed it (as I’ve missed so many things I’ve intentionally shot for….) (oooh, see the self-shaming? Yep, it’s been like that all day. Luckily, every 15 to 20 minutes I do *some* sort of bodyfulness practice and at least unplug the diatribe for a few breaths.

This is an exciting time, and we have so many brilliant teachers offering so much hope and light and context, it’s exciting to be on this evolutionary train. Unitive Justice, Tree Sisters, Extinction Rebellion. Bodyfulness. Thomas Hübl’s new community.. No matter how weird and judgementally my conscious mind evaluates my progress, I am here. now. in this. and that’s enough. it’s got to be. it is.

[relaxing]