Of all the traits I’d like to fall out of my personality, wanting to be universally approved of is at the top of the list. Also, taking everyone’s opinion as holding truth. Man, these are a couple of really destructive frameworks to try to work within.
Yesterday, I had a woman … hmmm, how to put this; more than imply but less than state… that the tension in my body is caused by unexpressed emotion.
Have you met me?
If you have, you’ll know that I don’t let much go by. I talk about everything. I bring up the uncomfortable feeling and insist we all at least acknowledge it. Constantly. My poor husband (he never needs to wonder about my internal space, though!).
But because I insist on not ignoring anything, I spent the whole damned day trying to figure out what has gotten past me, what I’m avoiding, what lies unexpressed.
This morning, Sounds True released a podcast about ancestral trauma and I just about fell off my chair.
Funny thing is, I had a Bodytalk session last monday wherein she uncovered a pathology around foundations. So, that has been gently unfolding – and as I learned when I had a Bodytalk session just before my hip surgery wherein she uncovered a pathological consciousness around “support” this can be a really powerful paradigm shift physically, emotionally and relationally.
So, I called Tucker and told him, “I don’t think it’s mine! I think it’s ancestral!”
Funny thing number two: Within a half an hour he got an email that we might be able to shift our citizenship appointment up to as early as September (our appointment currently sits in April 2022). Go figure.
This makes me reevaluate my self-brutality yesterday trying to inspect every corner of my being. That’s just not nice. However, it did prime me especially marvelously for the ancestral piece (this is not a new concept to me – i read my first bio-genetics book more than a decade ago – it’s simply another layer to address). I find this pattern repeating itself often – deep frustration, engaged directly, leads to revelation or breakthrough.
Last night, before I went to bed, still reeling and wondering what I might be repressing I sat to do a bodyfulness practice. My body was unphased by my mental meanderings. It was peaceful. It was whole. I could feel the energy of life pulsing gently. I reaffirmed that I have one objective: to grow, to evolve, to let life itself move through me at its own pace, with its own intelligence to best be in the flow of life itself and service to all of life, with my full cooperation.