Tucker gives great notes. He doesn’t give them often (which is probably why I’m so open to them when he does) but they tend to almost knock me over with insight. and if i write them down and carry it around for a little while, i can notice the behavior enough to start making choices about it.
Today, it was tacos.
I am not a taco fan. Tacos are my son’s favorite food. My husband and son have frequented a certain Laguna Beach taco stand for many moons now, and today I went with them. I’d gone with them once before and (not being a taco fan) had a blackened potato taco. It was good. So, I joined their voyage today and had a killer blackened swordfish taco. So good, in fact, I immediately got up to order another.
While in line, I gave them this effulgent 5 star review on yelp.
Then my second taco came and it was decidedly average.
Tucker noticed a pattern. When I go overboard, the universe balances me. I over-tipped the carpet cleaner and an hour after he left, I found a bunch of mistakes.
I’d never considered the causal relationship that way. It’s always when I go awkwardly trying to demonstrate support/appreciation. Making it more than it is – or (another Tucker note) taking it up to 11 (when perhaps an 8 would do).
This is an actionable note, and what is so awesome about it is that I feel the awkward wanting to be super supportive and now, by using it as a cue to relax, go into the feeling state, feel what is actually emerging and the authentic intensity and then respond with a simple “thank you.” Maybe even a enthusiastic praise, but not with grand gestures- not feel ‘i really need to show them I really do appreciate it!’ Like I need to compensate for something. There’s a lack piece, and a wanting to be accepted, and other things in this, and I am so happy to have it on the table for exploration and maybe even some better choices…
Someone wrote me a review (totally out of kindness) pretending to be squarely in my target demo (even though they totally weren’t). It was very supportive, but also sortof implicitly demonstrated inauthenticity, which simply isn’t helpful (even when it is kind). It seems like support, but it may even reflect a lack of it. Why would we overcompensate unless we thought something needed compensation?
There’s a post in here somewhere about observed phenomena, and not only am I improving, when i lapse, I’m less disappointed and more amused. I feel like I am in-process with an improved habit/way of being. It didn’t resolve by noticing the pattern, but it is resolving through noticing again and again, and making choices – and I find that when those choices are based on immediately checking in with my felt sense upon noticing, I find a lot of freedom to make a grounded, informed new choice.