holy smokes, this stuff works

Man, I love this practice.

I love everything about it. I love being present to the feeling state of my body. i love talking to people throughout my day who care and get it and enjoy it. I love the impact it’s having on my relationships. I love that when i find myself getting triggered, i move towards it gently instead of maybe some explosiveness that would’ve been my go-to, followed by regret, followed by wishing i were different.

As I was editing the Udemy course and trying to make sure the videos were in a cohesive, storytelling order, I got about halfway through and realized it was saving off as blurry.

Long story short: We shot the whole thing out of focus.

Just slightly, but distinctly so if it’s full screen. I’m pretty sure Udemy won’t accept it, but they might, i will send a sample video.

Couple of things here: my cameraman is 12. He’s a bright and precocious 12, and a good photographer, but this was his first time on this kind of thing, and Lord knows I’m pretty basic in my approach, and we neglected to look through the ocular lens. or something like that. anyway, we learned a lesson. and it works out great because said 12 year old is trying to save up for a computer, and this will get him closer faster. and i will improve the content. i had been sitting there watching thinking, “I really should’ve brushed my hair” and then I realize its out of focus, so i have an opportunity to address that.

have you noticed how not upset I am?

I gotta tell you, here, a couple of hours later and before I go to bed, I am amazed. Amazed. I’m Sicilian. There was no colorful language. That is a very big deal. Not because I didn’t behave like a crazy person (although I am extremely psyched about that), but because I didn’t feel like a crazy person.

That feels like a threshold. My mind could spin 1,000 stories, but my body is ok with it. and i’ve finally learned to trust my body. it leads me to the very best places.