I really like this shared practice. I’ve only had a few minutes with no sharers these last few weeks, and I have to admit I like all the ways. I like it when it’s one-on-one, I like it when it’s a group, and I like the moments to be in the practice as a solo practitioner. The great news, though, is that having company in this resonant field strengthens it, and seems to strengthen the moments throughout the day when I pause and check in with the feeling state of the body. I go deeper, faster. The listening takes on a much different quality than had attended it prior to this experiment of shared practice. Even the listening takes on a quality of being.
I think at the beginning of the practice overall, when I started using the phrase “the focus of attention on the feeling state of the body,” probably about 2 years ago, the listening was marked by both a sense of curiosity and importance and “I hope this works.” “I hope that eventually I can understand what is going on inside, make sense of it, and open up my life through it.”
I do not understand what is going on inside.
Don’t let that dissuade you, I’ve always been rather slow on the uptake with languages. and I’m pathetically literal as any of my sly or sarcastic friends will attest.
That this is not about understanding, though, is the biggest revelation. It is simply about being, which seems to me infinitely easier than understanding. And it is about integration, which happens naturally and in its own time when given the space and freedom. To quote Eric Klein again, progress “proceeds at the pace of integration.” We can understand a thousand things and have literally none of them impact our lives. When we integrate, everything changes and cannot revert to old patterns. Trying to shift old patterns is really difficult. Integrating wisdom, though, does it effortlessly. Accessing wisdom, step one. recognizing it, step two. sitting with it just as it is (ie., not trying to ‘do something’ with it, jump-start it, etc) might just be step 3. Whether we access that through meditation or napping, I don’t think integration takes root under pressure of any sort. Certainly not in my experience. Relaxing feels remarkably effective.
I really did spend a lot of time trying to pressure myself into becoming. Just thinking about it now makes me exhausted. As I check in with the feeling state of the body, as I relax with my exhalations I feel an unfolding throughout the body. Thomas Hübl talks about “complexity is simplicity in the wrong size container.” I was enamored with complexity, thinking it demonstrated an intellectual capacity that would be able to construct an impressive amount of peace and prosperity for myself and all, if only i could put all of the right complexities into place and I needed a few more (obviously, since i hadn’t coalesced them into peace or resounding success yet). Relaxing as a practice expanded the container, is expanding the container. Then the complex becomes simple and the peace is already there, and that feeling sensation of peace sings the song of resounding success regardless of what might be going on outside of the feeling state of the body. Indeed, then I get to bring that resonance to whatever is going on outside. That’s new. and infinitely more productive than bringing my newly contrived interpretation of complexity to whatever situation I’m hoping to impact. I mean, every once in a while it worked. Enough to keep me enamored of my complexity-perpetuating mind.
This relaxing, though, works every time. The more relaxation, the easier. It makes no sense to the mind that has been trained that busyness produces results. Relaxing produces results and a bit of laughter.
I’m still not sure how to broaden this relaxing into the world of developing profession. I’m relaxing into it and so far find the whole process extremely gratifying. I know with some certainty the models I am not interested in following. I am curious about how it may unfold. And, although curiosity often involves turning over stones and things, this curiosity feels more patient than exploratory, and that feels relieving. I mean, I love exploration and the pursuit of satisfying curiosity, too. and that often comes into play. But today, right now, this restfulness feels right and feeling right is so delicious, I think i’ll sit i