One of the difficult truths is that sometimes things need to break before they can fix, and sometimes insight comes *after* an unfortunate circumstance.
I think yesterday’s comments about youth are actually aimed at a culture that *doesn’t want to be where it is.* Little kids want to be big kids, teenagers want to be on their own, young adults sometimes want to be established, sometimes want to move back home where they’re protected, middle-aged people want to be younger, older people long for easier days. Not everybody, of course, but lots of people. Why are we addicted to ideas we’d be better off in some other way? It really does feel like an addiction – a compelling habit.
I wrote that this morning, then someone hopped on the call and I had a full house at noon, so now it’s night and i’ve been thinking…
I don’t believe life ends. i believe we end, these individuals in these bodies, but life itself doesn’t end. it just keeps going and going and going. we impact it without question but it is a pretty strong force moving exactly how it moves.
So with that thought, that life never ends, my first response was “sounds exhausting!” and i had a cadence of culturally proliferated thoughts about ‘the grind’ and yes, the grind would be exhausting – but Life isn’t a grind. our perception of our own lives compared to what we can imagine they could better be – that’s a grind. constantly judging ourselves as needing something outside of ourselves to be ok, to be whole, to be complete. If you drop all expectations of yourself but to be here in this body doing the best you can and keeping the lights on. and if you can’t keep the lights on, receiving this next phase of your life with what it elicits in you – sorrow or determination or whatever it might be, because that, too, will change, because that’s what life does. so even when things look horrible, can we breathe and be in our lives with curiosity, sure that we cannot help but become ourselves. [cue the entire broadway musical “Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” or the bible story which is just as good but not as catchy]
Exhaustion comes – i’ve been exhausted by life and trying to figure out who I am and who I’m supposed to be and why i think that and financial ups and downs and values and kids and family. But only when I’m trying to meet some picture i have of who i should be and how i should show up for them and how this impacts their/my future and blah blah blah blah blah. completely exhausting.
being in my body, being curious, breathing in and out – not exhausting. doing it for a bit typically ends with getting up to do something useful because i’m operating from rest – having not been spending energy, some has stored up, and isn’t this a good time to…x… so actions stem from authentic energy and are often quite ‘in the flow.’ good incentive to be in the body. This- this is not exhausting. it is fascinating. can it be just that simple of an orientation shift? it’s also a values shift.
Clinging to things is exhausting – identities, ideas of what should be…
My friend posted a brilliant Chinese proverb on FB today: “Tension is who we think we should be. Relaxation is who we are.”