time flies

I’ve been doing the Perelandra Microbial Balancing Program for the last few months, and very intensively for the last few weeks (it’s a flower essences program, mostly, to support the microbes that support our biome) and I can only begin to describe how much I am enjoying it – even though it is taking up quite a bit of time. It’s hard for me to imagine why it took me so long to start this program, since I’ve enjoyed Perelandra’s MAP program for almost a decade, but I think it has everything to do with needing to slow down first. I notice the more relaxed I am as I do the processes, the more I get out of it – and even on my best day 5 years ago I had nowhere near the body awareness and groundedness I have on my worst day now. ¬†Another example of how slowing down is delivering things to me that I have wanted but simply weren’t available while I was running around chasing them down.

I’m writing my next Udemy course: “Bodyfulness: Like Mindfulness without all that Pesky Thinking.” I think i’ll probably change the subheading, but I am enjoying it today.

Probably most people haven’t been coopted by their minds the way I have been, and so this is no revelation for your average bear. But for me, and people like me, stopping the runaway mental train and taking a dip in the cool refreshing body pool is the height of luxury. Peace of mind, in my experience, comes only when I am not in it. Kindof like the music room in a preschool: the only time it is quiet and peaceful is when it is uninhabited.

Between my sister and the teacher, I had a real lesson in self acceptance over the last few weeks. Not everyone is going to like me. Sometimes I may even agree with them. But I am here, and I am contributing something and I need to square with that. I am tired of trying to control my every word and move. I’m pretty freaking self-reflective and I’m now, finally, at 50 years old, going to throttle back on that. I’ve kept myself under a microscope for so dang long, I think a reprieve is not only in order, it is a necessity. I’m just going to be me. And when the goddess Kali inhabits me, I’m not going to apologize for her. ¬†Everybody loves Kali except when she’s pointed at them…

I feel I’ve crossed a threshold of sorts. Between all of these things and the talks I did this weekend, I am sensing a shedding of one of the layers within which I’ve kept myself shrouded. I love the Paul Selig work so much with the depth of resource to help shed old pictures. Like the Tao Te Ching says, Education is accumulating knowledge. Wisdom is shedding it…

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