have i mentioned here about the illness/wellness i/we thing i heard from Tara Brach’s winter solstice satsang? It’s been on my mind so much lately. I remember Dr. Kupperberg telling me “healing happens in relationship” and how that absolutely blew my mind. I thought it was up to me to heal, and then go into relationships – that that is how they would be healthy. but indeed, we heal each other as we relate. we need each other. we really do. and even the yogi alone on the mountaintop needs the air and the sun and the ground on which he sits, and the insects that maintain that ground and the water and the icecaps who melt to provide it. Then you have people like me who are so reliant on Tucker and my kids and our friends and family, teachers, authors, that one person who said something in passing that one time that opened up a whole new way of thinking… we are the result of so many influences, so many people touch us, impact us, change us, restore us, inspire us.
Sometimes healing feels lonely. sometimes all of it feels lonely. Is it in the bible “if you knew who walked beside you, you would never feel alone”? Every poem, every song, every smile – these things shape us. they keep us connected to ourselves, each other, this planet and species and far beyond what we can see. Even when we are alone, we carry the imprint of every influence and we can access that connection if only we open our hearts to it.
I’m pretty blown away by how many wonderful influences I’ve had, things i would have overlooked before I started slowing down. When i was on the chase I was looking for that big influence that would change me not recognizing I had dozens of them working their magic every day. Ramana Maharshi didn’t open my heart chakra through transmission (to my knowledge), but Walt Whitman has directly indirectly. We all impact each other, even if we don’t write poems.
We also can’t know all of our impact – which is why the Bhagavad Gita talks about practice and nonattachment. When we’re attached to our results, strange things take over. When we act from our hearts and engage wholeheartedly with the world, we are becoming that which we can’t help but become, but each and every flower (that has bloomed or not bloomed) has helped/is helping us get there.