I haven’t posted in a while because I have been feeling better and with that I’ve begun to be perhaps a little too active – and today I recognize this and can take a deep breath and bring some mindfulness to it and slow the @%&* down.
I think God is playing an infinite game of “can you see me now?”
I’m getting better at being able to say YES
The more I see and read, the more I recognize in myself and others a baseline expectation that life has some sort of an obligation to go the way we think it should go. I wonder how this developed. I mean, life is unfolding as life seemingly always has – old things give way to new things and within that, infinite variations on any single theme, and infinite themes… it astounds me how many choices are being made every single nanosecond… SO MANY – truly mind-boggling. And within each choice, so many options (even if only the options about how to think of the thing).
Today I’ve been really feeling into this idea of free will, equating it with our maxim of …if you love something, set it free.. if it comes back to you it is yours and if not it never was…
We get free will and we go running off to the edges of the universe, pushing to see how far we can go.
i feel like the prodigal son. I want to just go back.
Here’s my free will. Thanks for it, but my will brings me right back to You. All that other shit is exhausting. I just want You, oh Inventor of Free Will. It is a magnificent invention to be sure, and I’ve run it through innumerable paces – and with whatever wisdom I may have gained, it all leads me to give it back, gratefully, and take my place within the house from which I came.
Today a friend talked about being sick of asking the universe for things and wanting to GIVE the universe things, and I think that’s just marvelous. I freaking hated The Giving Tree. I know it’s a favorite among millions, but it turns my stomach. Maybe I’m missing the point, but I feel it validated a generation of “takers” – I want to write the book that inspires a generation of healthy giving and receiving. Paul Selig’s work says the action of fear is to create more fear, the action of love is to express. Expressing, in it’s loveliest form, is giving. giving the wholeness of ourselves. we’ve received it (and continue, through the breath, to receive it and the literal stuff of life from the universe, every minute of every day), expressing wholeheartedly (instead of asking for the things that will help us construct some construct of “the life we want”) seems like both the grandest and the humblest form of action. Lets do more of that!
I also see that feeling better has me up far too late tonight, so i’ll be revisiting these ideas – that I love and really want to explore – at a more appropriate time.