to a halt

Somehow, who knows how long ago, cooking went from a pleasure to a torture, with a few small reprieves here and there. Last New Year’s I noticed it was probably my most significant source of daily stress (maybe illness and parenting asside) – certainly the most changeable thing.

we hired a lady to come and help develop 3 or 4 5-day menus I could batch cook for once per week. It didn’t work. we stopped pursing it. and i simply stopped cooking. just, like, quit. From 3×7 to nada.

We survived.

We’re still in it. Had a great month when Blue Apron had Whole 30 foods, but since then it’s been less impressive. And I can’t really chop because my hands seize up. So it wasn’t pure laziness that pushed this decision. Anyway.

My brother in law is getting surgery next week and my sister doesn’t cook. I committed to a maybe 20 meal batch cook session. Something I haven’t done in a long time, and I’ve never done my own, I tried to batch cook someone else’s recipes a few times and it was hard. and frustrating.

but putting together this 5 day plan (with 3 or 4 meals for the freezer) is a blast. Well, mayb enot a blast but close to a blast. Making my favorite salads Whole 30 (which really just means taking out the cheese most of the time, and there are only a couple of salads that being without cheese completely kills. Anyway, so I’m having fun. It’s coming together. Everything sounds really good to me. Even the token fish (fish is such a fast cook, i don’t think it makes sense to batch cook). I’m excited.

The kids are all in, willing to help. i’m really excited to see how that goes because yesterday I went to chop something and my hand seized, and it’s such a drag. being able to clearly communicate each step for them, assign tasks, provide direction and workspace. I think it could be very good. My daughter is wanting to improve her diet so she’ll join us probably most of the time.

But, it took me coming to a complete stop to apparently touch bottom and now be free to ascend in my relationship with food and cooking. It has been a foggy, flailing slice of life and perhaps am I hearing the beginning bells of ease and creativity and inspired action? And sensitivity to lay out the process for people who want to help but don’t know what to do.

That is the super app we are all waiting for. the blueprint that will allow us to offer our gifts effectively to create the change societally we are creating through inner work that believes wholeness and evolution and ascension is possible for humankind.

Well, I don’t have that super app, but i do know every step involved in making 5 salads, 4 proteins+veg, 2 breakfasts & 1 dessert (6-8 servings). I’m putting the shopping list together. Next I’ll start the timing, then I’ll contemplate veg washing cadence and dressing creation. It might be my favorite project management task I’ve ever been assigned, but it took me this long to open to it in that way. it was the bane of my existence for a while. and it may be again. but back to my birthday present goal, i think i’ll have one set for batch cooking I’m really proud of. We’ll see.

But, yeah, it really did take me slowing down to a complete stop to get here. And it is taking  a total get-to-zero-and-look-up to break down the task and timing making the day and the kids’ contributions itemized and clear and in good order. I am a last-minute delegator, and that has worn on my ability to teach and model easy, organized action. What a gift. And it’s coming together. i’ve been trying to put these puzzle pieces together for a long time and it’s eluded me, but now i feel a glimpse of it coming into focus. and if i can use the timing i worked out for last thanksgiving, i think it could really sing. So cool.

It will involve a lot of chopping, tho.

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