just gotta stop…

i don’t watch much television, and when i do it really drives home why i don’t and why i really don’t want to. even though i curate shows to potentially appeal to my desire to believe humanity is basically doing its best, i leave the experience feeling depleted and caught in weird thought cycles and usually with a headache.

I remember the movie “the kid” with Bruce Willis years ago – in fact, I only remember one thing about it: a kid (who grew up like me, with 5 channels) plopped into a house with cable and says, “100 channels, and still nothing’s on!” I hear ya, brother.

The good news is with things like apple TV we can stream things that truly pique our interests. I have a long list of things I’m looking foward to catching up on, but sometimes I’m looking for story – i think this is a huge growth opportunity for the human potential movement (but they really need some experienced directors because very much most of what is currently produced has none of the markings of successful commercial production. I’ve always wondered about that: why doesn’t educational TV use the production value and story arc of mass market TV? why is it always just “less”?

i suppose this may have to do with the necessity of going inside the self to do the work. the pastimes outside of the self have to shed. maybe. all i know is that with all of this downtime for my recovery, television is not going to contribute to my healing. No siree. And that’s fine.

It’s funny how deep the wiring goes. Home sick? Watch TV all day. It’s 40 years later and still there is a part of me that thinks TV would be the most appropriate recovery activity. Much like parts of me think Mac & Cheese is comfort food even though it makes every part of my anatomy uncomfortable for hours if not days after eating it.

These kinds of habits and drives based on outdated information are scattered throughout my life, and I am really happy to identify them and dismantle them, but dang if i don’t jump up with that expectation again. How many times do I fall into the same hole before learning to avoid it altogether (ala Groundhog Day)? It doesn’t matter. Noticing is huge. Recognizing choice is huge. Falling into old habits – especially when they literally make me miserable – can only last so long in a life that is noticing and recognizing choice.

I’m excited for the knowledge to sink in.

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