You’d think I’d’ve learned this by now. I seem addicted to Grand Pronouncements (“I will never <insert bad habit> here” “We should do <insert good habit here> every week” “I no longer <insert annoying trait” etc). I seem to love doing it, given how often I do it. I’ve been wanting to stop for some time now, but actually haven’t put much effort towards it beyond catchy post titles (and further proclamations).
The right person could easily come into my house and make my kitchen towels bright white. And probably other dull things like t-shirts that used to be bright white. I literally have no idea how to do it, and the few time’s I’ve used bleach I’ve just ruined and spotted things. It’s not my forte.
I’ve spent a long time trying to determine what my forte is, but mostly what I have come up with are all of the shortcomings. So I’m pretty clear on the long list of what my forte is NOT. I think it’s time for that to evolve a bit and get into discovery. Mostly because I am pretty clear on my overall next steps – to develop more kindness and compassion as I practice, practice, practice slowing down and connecting to Presence. I’m not sure exactly what that is going to look like, and this blog is actually my first baby step. But the rest of it: the big picture: is elusive. And I am sick to death of making “this is it!” pronouncements. I’ve got a long list of failed entrepreneurial ventures (and a few little successes to treasure) and now I just want to be curious.
My brain is not in charge anymore, or at least not with the complete dictatorial madness it’s had over the years. My body is totally in on the game through all of these practices (FINALLY. Seriously, I had no idea) and my body is not into grand pronouncements at all. It’s into feeling out the present moment and responding in kind. Such a better plan than the control freak who was at the wheel for So. Freaking. Long.
I honestly have very little clue what the next period of time looks like. Things are shifting for our family on so many levels, mostly based on choice but also based on circumstance. I don’t want to take a step and proclaim the mission, because the next step shouldn’t be encumbered by that limited idea of step one. This needs to be a dynamic, unnamed process. I think it’s my only chance at true being-ness. And being, growing, evolving is a path that doesn’t try to predict or control the future, but revels in the NOW, no matter what that looks like (which is hard).