believing our thoughts

A really bright writer and Buddhist named Natalie wrote about finally coming to study under a revered Buddhist saint. Just a few weeks into her study with him, during his dharma talk after a meditation session he said, “you know, as I was meditating, I got to thinking that I’m going to quit teaching. I mean, sitting is good, but i think i can serve life better in another way…” and Natalie (oh, man, I need to look her name up. i really enjoyed her books but it has been a LONG time) begins thinking, “What? I just got here! You can’t quit!” and various other things that are running through her head. And after some time exploring all of the reasons to stop teaching the holy man says, “and then I realized: just another thought.”

PHEW!

Thoughts. People think they’re active, but they’re passive.

Presence. People think it’s passive, but it’s active.

We humans are fascinating creatures. I mean, we have some magnificent programming and some really, really confusing programming, and we’re pretty predictable, except when we aren’t, and wow, thoughts and beliefs really are powerful and can take us on powerful rides. And to what end? Drama? maybe. excitement? certainly. experience? in some form or another…

Wanting to evolve, and knowing evolution is the most natural thing in the world, and just trying to stay pointed toward the sun, toward love, freedom, relationship… all of these things become curiosities. I love the times when I can feel the distance between me and the thought and i am curious and not defensive. I can investigate it. And knowing I am human and flawed and evolving, I can hold it so as to let it go. Better still, the times the thought isn’t even interesting. isn’t even a factor. moments of being. those are threshold moments, I think. And I think the best way to get them is by practice. making myself available to them. building the container. knowing it will fill. being selective about what it fills with.

It really is a journey that never ends. and we can’t help but be what we are. and we are always becoming something new. Life is amazing, and it is showing itself in so many trillions of examples every minute of every day. It’s paradoxical to me the fullness that i believe i am just a drop in a wave, and the fullness that I believe that together we are the ocean. And a lot of smart people talk about we are both the drop and the ocean, the particle and the wave. and that we are one- yet each individual the one fully powerful and fully expressing. that is above my current pay grade, but i am studying up and hoping for a promotion. Or is this where the “understanding” will no longer apply and only experience can crystalize it?

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