So the wonderful thing about feeling awful is that you can notice it. And noticing is the first step before understanding you can make a different choice. And there are just so many tools, but the easiest is: stop believing your thoughts. It’s the thoughts taking us on all of these crazy mind trips. And some of them are true and some of them are not and some are partially true, but all of those things are just thoughts, too, and at our essence we are just organisms sitting, standing or lying down, present to the world unfolding around and within us, breathing in and out.

The downside of slowing down is I really am coming more and more face to face with the parts of myself I really haven’t wanted to face. But this is 10 years in, and as I have slowed down, I’ve developed both capacity and a toolset for when I am out of my depths.  But, make no mistake, “out of my depths” is not unusual. It is conversely related to the dedication and length of my meditative practices. So, while it is uncomfortable it is also very exciting.

“Awareness is the healing agent.” Good Lord, I hope so because I really have no idea how to undo my lesser qualities or attributes. And I’m squaring with the fact that we all contain the fullness of the yin/yang (or am I circling around that fact?) I have habits and attributes for which I am grateful, but I have plenty which make me cringe. And being dedicated to evolving, to slowing down, being present to what is, and being faced in the direction of evolving towards ever more love, freedom and relationship – this is my best bet at transforming those cringe-worthy attributes, and certainly my best way to experience or share my life.

Yesterday at the monastery, there was some debate over the validity of the TM studies correlating a certain amount of meditators in a city with a drop in crime rate. While the talk went on I realized, “the more I meditate, the lower my crime rate” crimes against myself, my loved ones and the world at large. It sortof makes it both a privilege and sortof an obligation – in the best possible way – to be wholehearted in showing up in the world, doing what works and lifting even the cringeworthy stuff to it’s rightful place in the wholeness that we each are.

Craziest thing? I

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