Practice, practice, practice

A number of years ago, as a gift for finishing a book tour, i got a ‘style statement’ from danielle laporte. the idea was that she would interview you and select two words as encapsulating the things most important to or expressive about you and you could then use those two words as a rudder in making decisions and staying true to your north star. my style statement was ‘cultured elegance’  which is a nice rudder, I suppose.

During our interview I talked about being extremely, deeply happy on the inside, but having the experience of ‘not quite there.’ i wasn’t able to really bring the happiness to the day-to-day feelings. I remembered my exact sentence for some time, but can’t quite access it right now.

At that time, I had a neighbor who was very intent on becoming my friend. She was trying to convince me I wasn’t truly as happy as i said i was. not a great technique to lure me, lol. but i wasn’t as happy as i said i was, i was far more happy. but, she was right in that i did have a layer of not quite happy I just couldn’t shake.

It wasn’t long after that my body started this new journey, which truly has helped and is helping me break through all the crusty crap that got between the life force in me and its most joyous expression in the world. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual constructs and beliefs that had gone unnoticed and untended, cultivated with a strange assortment of stressors and unnecessary tension. All kinds of junk. I’ve been diving into it full time for a decade and i still find huge storehouses full to the brim.

i had this great visual in meditation yesterday. i had a visual of a renaissance royal court. and for some reason there’s a guy going around collecting jewelry. So when he comes around, I give him all my thoughts – the necklace of my children, the earrings of my marriage, the bracelets of work and ankle bracelets of spiritual aspirations. And I feel sortof like Mooji’s “leave the backpack of your identity on the rack before you enter”And then, I go into meditation. But thoughts continue to come up, and it’s like a monty python skit, where there is always another little pearl tie-stud, and another ridiculous pocket pin. But I put them in the hat and smile and get on with my meditation. It was fun.

So, a decade or so ago when I was telling danielle laporte that i wanted to bring the happiness i felt into my daily experience, i was spending my free time figuring out what I had to do to be better, to get better, to cultivate becoming what I wanted to become. Now i spend my free time having little fantasy meditations about wholeness and the giddy joy of this very moment being complete in every way. This is a huge upgrade. It doesn’t have to take a decade, though.

We are, at our essence, life itself, living and being. just like everything else. that’s where oneness lay. everything else we think about, all of our individual identities and momentary priorities, are extremely small subplots to the simple fact of life itself moving through time, changing and growing, expressing and receiving. And in the grand procession of life we are utterly influential, ultimately powerful by means of every choice we make. I do still wonder about multiple planes of being where every choice plays out, but then my little noggin gets confused and i find joy thinking about other things. But EXPERIENCING joy, that comes fully from my being able to be in the present moment and recognize it lacks nothing, no matter what some casual observer may easily be able to point out.

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