momentum

I wish I’d started this online writing habit sooner. I had a hard time transitioning from processing things on paper to processing things, well, essentially on a lot of tiny pieces of paper and corners of envelopes, but the most consistent of my writing practice to be at a keyboard is new, and i actually really like it and my fingers are grateful and it will be easier to edit. I have no interest in even reading my old journals (never really have – except for the 8 nights of Ganesha and our New Year’s Eve reminiscences. Anyhow…

Spirituality, and more specifically spiritual awakening to me defined as experiencing the unity of god-consciousness, more easily understood perhaps as considering everything and acting as if everything is God Herself unfolding before your eyes and heart. That’s the estimable prize, recognizing The Beloved in EVERYTHING, Worshiping Life Itself In This Moment Exactly How It Is. Truly Surrendering in Perfect Trust to the Present Moment and aspiring to let that air breathe through your being in a testament to love. Then life becomes your privilege, you get to be the ambassador of love in every situation you meet. Yes, this is what I want more than anything. What else could I want? To be a good partner or parent, daughter or employee? All those things come with total devotion to Life Itself Unfolding. (I had a lady really say some nice things about me at the monastery gift shop and what fell out of my mouth was, ‘yeah, devotion to god will do that..”

So, yes, this is what I care about to distraction. Evolving. Realizing, Embodying and Expressing Love Itself Everywhere. Do I fall short? sure. all the time, but less and less.

Spirituality has always been in my top 3 concerns. ┬áNo question. I really am fascinated by life itself and love and spring and cycles of nature and all this stuff that’s so much bigger than me, that works with remarkable harmony even if speckled with crisis. Contemplating the nature of nature has taken up thousands of hours of my time. And I still understand so little. But that which I understand is so tender and brilliant and remarkable.

My health had been my #1 priority since rhode island. once that had a jump improvement, it became the trip. and probably during the trip spirituality shifted from #2 to #1. And what a trip it’s been. I’m noticing a lot of progress towards more love and greater freedom, more release and openness to new learning. Since evolving is my top priority and this sounds like evolving, I am feeling very much on the right track. I don’t want to get to attached to that, though, because life is constantly shifting, but with spirituality in the driver’s seat, in living and expericing life in service to life itself — cut to I think Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography (penguin classic) and he had this wonderful prayer he would say – and i’d like to go find it but i don’t have it close, and I’ll paraphrase:

Dear Lord, please accept my kind offerings to my fellow man as the only means at my disposal of demonstrating my gratitude to You for all your goodness…

Man, I love that concept. I envision a world where that sentiment (how we treat each other is how we praise God) is obvious.

I should also probably spell out that Life Itself is my most pleasing name for the creative force of the universe, or God, or whatever animates us.

But this post was about momentum, and I am feeling decidely new momentum. Little moments of awakening are shattering now-defunct beliefs (you can’t unlearn how to ride a bike). It makes me wish i started doing this sooner (ha! ties in with the start of this!) because transitions that used to take months and years feel like they’re happening in weeks and maybe that’s true and maybe it’s not. But I’m grateful for the momentum and happy to capture the moment in time (seems like it has a relationship to the word momentum)

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