One of my favorite people in the world, the kind of person who can impersonate you to your face and you laugh, once told me that you can say anything about someone and it’s ok as long as you end with “Bless their heart.” He’s a funny guy. But that’s three words, so it’s clearly not the subject of this post.
For me, the key words are “for me.” This movie is not for me. It can be for you, and that’s fine, but it is decisively not For Me. In my experience, this moves the assessment of the movie away from judgment of others and squarely into knowledge of self.
I’m going through something right now in my family that is simply not “for me.” I’ve even been super clear about recognizing that what is “for me” is not necessarily for anyone else. Everyone should do what is “for them.” Right?
It doesn’t matter if I’m right. I mean, if you line up the facts and evaluate them objectively you are going to come to a conclusion that is right for you. It’s kindof how we navigate this world. In my family, facts lost standing long before Mr. Trump popularized willfully ignoring them. My birth family is extremely focused on feeling good. As you can imagine, sometimes that conflicts with facing facts. And in that equation, facts are the first to go when feeling good is the goal.
Luckily, feeling good is not a goal for me. It is the natural result of honoring the deepest truths about myself. And as I focus my attention on aligning to my internal compass whether it’s about the choice between a pretzel bun and foccaccia, or between Trump and Reason, or between taking medicine or declining it, focusing my attention on this alignment as really my only goal – well, frankly, it’s the primary source of my sanity and my joy. Both of which continue to increase (along with my health and ability to literally feel good) as I align to my own personal compass, rendering other people’s assessments of me of very little interest.
I read recently, if you’re doing this work and your social circle isn’t shrinking, you’re not doing it right. I have had a truly surprising exodus this year. And I am fully ok with that. What is amazing to me is that last year on my birthday, I wrote notes to the many of most important people in my life trying to describe what I appreciate and enjoy about them and thanking them for their role in my life. Now I wonder if some prescient part of me wrote those letters as a kind of goodbye.
Because asking me to behave in ways different than my internal compass directs me is such an obvious “no, thank you” to me, how could I make any other choice? And asking me to apologize for having a voice, well, I’m not going to apologize for that. I’ve apologized for all kinds of other things (manner or timing of said voice, for example). And asking me to forget or ignore the facts simply isn’t part of my nature. That’s going to make me unappealing to a whole slew of people, that and maybe my tone of voice or my certainty of attitude or various other annoying traits of this being that I am. Ok. I can live with that. Because being in the present moment, being curious about the facts and my triggers and what is really happening, and aligning to Life Itself moving through us and evolution – this is how I spend my time. This is far more valuable to me than being supportive and patting someone’s hand as they overdose.
I know myself. It’s actually quite an amazing thing to say, and to feel. I haven’t felt it for long. It’s been this slow (very slow!) process of listening for my cues and feeling in my body and noticing what really makes me light up or shut down. All of these practices I’ve been relentlessly practicing for a number of years have actually pointed me into the heart of my own being and it is a place I feel so overjoyed to be. Stepping out of that to make someone else comfortable? Oh, dear. I have plenty of things I’d be happy to do to make you comfortable, but that one is non-negotiable.
And I am so grateful.