Becoming the self I want to be

I have no idea what I want to be. Finally. I’ve been trying to figure out who I am supposed to become, or who I *was* supposed to become. Right now, I just want to live in the awakening. Live in going slower, listening more, witnessing the unfolding in all its fascination. I want to be an instrument Life Itself plays. Playfully, yet calmly; expressing love in new ways. I feel presence, even though I’m not consistent. I want to be consistent. I want to choose love every time.

I am a practitioner of presence. I’m in my baby stages, but it has started to take hold. I’m blessed with exceptional teachers and beings who remind me of the truth and demonstrate practices that teach you how to receive your whole life as your teacher, and walk the path with the thought that the universe is friendly, it is Life Itself Unfolding, of which we are a part and have both no control and infinite control. There was a better way to write that, but this is unedited.

Eric Klein talked about the spiritual “red carpet” with waving to paparazzi and lights flashing as you get in the enlightenment limo. You’ve arrived. All Hail You.

Yeah, that’s not it. Not for me at least. I gotta admit I probably held that image before I heard Eric talk, and I am super glad he brought it into my awareness. God is in a manger.

But the more I learn about spirituality, the more i learn about individuality and that what works for one is different for another. Like the Dunstan Baby Method. 5 sounds to start, but after that, infinite variety. Buddha said it: “This cannot be taught.”

And so what are we to do? Ply ourselves with teachers, movements, activities that uplift our consciousness, open us up to the full experience of the present moment, inspire us to share.

I am inspired to share. Especially since the Thomas Hubl “if you’re receiving wisdom from the stream and not letting it move through you, you’re not really experiencing the fullness of it” (more of a paraphrase than a quote, sorry). I want to experience the fullness of it by expressing it. These thousand little signals I give myself per day to slow down, relax tension in my body. And there is ALWAYS tension in my body. For no reason. Just some weird tension I’m holding unconsciously. Makes me crazy. But makes me glad for remembering to release it. Which makes me feel good. Which helps me remember.

I want to express this because I want to keep it alive in my day and in my life in ever-increasing ways. Talking about it reminds me to do it. Doing it keeps me honest. And it’s the practices, for me, right now. The practices of slowness, breathing, tai chi, listening. It’s not my default setting. I want it to be. And this is how I’m going about it. And it’s working and I am entirely grateful

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