I intended to be more upbeat

I think I’ve written before about not being so good at routine. It typically eludes me. However, in the last 6 months or so, I have somewhat reliably gotten up in the morning (not exactly at a reliable time, but…) and brushed my mouthpiece while reciting balancing sentences for each meridian. I hadn’t done that yesterday because the phone rang or something else happened, and it did seem to impact my effervescence. As in, I had none.

Today was much better, having begun with my meridian balancing, but in the last hour or so things took a turn. Now, how to deal with that turn. The first turn was Josie actually wanting to talk about what to do about work and school (which was great) exactly as I should’ve been walking out the door to listen to Swami Yogeshananda give his very private and second to last talk about the enlightened beings he had the privilege to know. Sorry to miss it! And Josie and I really didn’t come to any good resolution, but it was nice to have her talk. And learning to be ok in the midst of uncertainty seems to me a pretty important skill in this day and age. Being able to talk about it without needing immediate resolution. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think so. “Fixing” things doesn’t seem realistic. Being with things, being able to take our time with them, seems to me much more practical.

And then, I read an article about ethnocentricity, nationalism and white supremacy and it’s meteoric rise in the western world not just in the past decades but in the past 2 years, with it continuing to climb and gain support even while the liberals in the world shake their heads in disgust with Trump’s imbecilic behavior. It was wildly depressing to read.

I know that stuff is going on. And there are even individuals I know and love who I am watching devolve into angry, finger-pointing blamers. And I have to watch myself as I contemplate the paradox of tolerance (that the tolerant can tolerate anything but intolerance, which must not be tolerated if tolerance is to succeed), looking within to the still grandiose, protectionist, flailing parts of me that want to point my own fingers, whether at myself or my past or the “bad guys.” Bringing the light of awareness into ever more subtle aspects of myself I wish I had matured beyond. That’s the technique. Feel the feeling, apply love, be. repeat.

So, as someone who recognizes, as Buckminster Fuller described, “the future of humankind is an all or nothing proposition: either all of us will live and thrive or none of us will” it’s really disheartening to see not just the existence of hatred, but the growing momentum of it. And the most natural thing in the world is to blame the hatred, but of course that won’t solve anything.

I want to do something great to forward the agenda of the loving. I want to be instrumental in turning the tide towards cooperation and brotherhood. I have a ridiculously small circle of influence, and at this moment in my life, no real prospect of extending my efforts beyond it. I’m not scientific, I’m not a technological genius – I have no idea what my contribution could be beyond my absolute commitment to love, my utter surrender to life itself, and the application of the tools I know when faced with love’s opposite.

I used to run/kick/scream. Now I turn to the breath, and/or the mantra, and/or tenderness. This move from reactivity to calm intentionality has made a vast difference in my life and daily experience. I can only hope it can tip the scale…

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