It’s hard to know what other people are thinking. It’s hard to know what they want, or how to help them. And that’s ok.
I’ve often been the first one to jump in and “fix” things for people, and I am delighted that time in my life is waning. For a lot of reasons. The primary reason is I have developed enormous trust in the universe, and so the idea of fixing just gets more and more ridiculous. Things are as they are and are developing as they are developing because they are replete with life lessons, skills, and opportunities that really couldn’t come any other way. So, who am I to jump in and “help”? I’ve done it before. It has been deeply helpful a few times, and not at all helpful most of the time. I think the odds on that definitely speak to considering new routes.
And so I’ve got some dear, dear people in my life, actively struggling with some eminently solvable problems. It is sad to see them struggle. I can empathize with the pain and uncertainty they face. It’s a tough spot.
There was a time in my life I would HAVE TO get involved. How can you watch someone you love struggle and NOT get involved? I would’ve been very disappointed in my future self for choosing to sit back in a silent support role. What the #$% kind of help is that?
Oh, my former self, I get you. I really do. And I would be happy to jump in and help ONCE SOMEONE ASKS. oooh – this is quite the distinction. Because you know what? People rarely ask for help. And in my limited experience, even when they do, they don’t really want it.
All of this to say: managing our relationships can be complicated. Managing our interactions with other people, and managing the thoughts and feelings associated with being in relationship, with basically every individual relationship we have.
And that is why focusing on Life Itself moving through All Of Us is so much easier. It strongly grounds a stance that Life Itself is in charge, that it is moving through all of us whether we know/acknowledge it or not. Life Itself is Life Positive, and so while it has a decay phase, it is always generating new life, new opportunities, new growth. Sitting in *that* space offers the view of the witness, who can see the beauty in it, smell the rose’s fragrance, and not go in with scissors trying to prune everything and bring it into control.
I am enjoying this point of view and approach to life.
We had a few people over for Thanksgiving. Things were said I didn’t understand. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the need to go in and get to the bottom of things. I’m not trying so hard to control. I’m happy just being a participant.
Were those people trying to tell me something I needed to know? I have no idea. I trust that if I can be of service in any way, they’ll bring it up again, but in the meanwhile it is not my mental chew toy of days gone by. Oh, am I grateful for that. Embracing the present moment, dropping the fixations and needing to fix, it solves a lot of problems.
Now, I have no idea how the other people in my life feel about these new approaches coming through me. I am sorry if they feel neglected in any way. But I can’t know what they feel unless they tell me, and I am tired of guessing, trying to be pre-emptive, etc. I am so open to communication, but I am no longer open for mind-reading. It wasn’t my skill. I’ve never fancied myself psychic. And when a relationship, impression or feeling is up for question (someone said things I didn’t understand, and there was not forum for diving deeper at the time) I just am wrapping it in a pillow of light and releasing it to its highest good.
Ups and downs, periods of closeness and distance, appreciation and annoyance, these things are natural. But rather than trying to manage all of them, I’m now just managing my own presence, my openness to Life Itself, my own OKness with myself and Life Itself, which naturally translates to everyone.