The darkness has been increasing and now it has hit its limit. from here forward (until the cycle begins again) light infuses our days more and more. That’ll be nice. 4:30 is too early for sunset! although this year my body was able to listen to the early darkness and ease in to some cozy habits i’ve never been able to integrate before (going to bed earlier, a decades-long new year’s resolution). Thank goodness the cycle keeps repeating, else it wouldve passed without me integrating it. Nature. So Kind. Always another opportunity to integrate, to express, to live it out differently *this* time.
The cyclical nature can seem like such a drag. “Not this again! I thought I cleaned that up!” But as we clean things up, we build our muscle for when it shows up again. It’s never “complete” – or maybe it is, but best not to expect it to be so.
Cycles serve us. I imagine they’re so essential to life itself – cycles are how things can ever-renew. Without renewal, where would we be? Stuck in the direction of our history? That would be sad.
Renewal opens up the unknown. And for those of us who *want* the unknown, we have to want it more than whatever “ideal” we fantasize about, because the unknown is by nature different than the known. If you can imagine it, it’s bigger and different than that.
I remember watching something that said flowers were a spontaneous mutation in the flora of the earth. Billions of years, no flowers. Then one day, flowers, and every cycle more varieties. Prior to flowers, when all the flora was green or greeny or greenier, how could the splendor of some of these crazy flowers currently gracing our planet been conceived of? Someone imagining “flower” where it hadn’t existed before could only push up to the edge of the context in which he lived, but the true expression of that creative impetus of his imagining “flower” however small and flawed the limit of the imagining, nature takes that desire for growth and manifests it in ways so colorful and diverse no one imagining could ever have encompassed it. But the imagining *started* it and nature keeps cycling exploring more possibility.
We do it too. We don’t do it all the time, but we really do it in a very essential way in our lives. Picking what we carry through to the next cycle. Which decorations get stored and which get donated? I loved that brand and now i buy it exclusively. When I’m 15 minutes early, I get the best parking space and so i’m usually 15 minutes early (this is a funny sentence because it is so not me, but i do get mighty fine parking spaces….). I could try to get myself to do a thousand intentional things to no avail, but regularly and seemingly beyond my conscious control, sometimes I make changes and let them keep making me.
As my attention retreats from the events of the world around me and rests in the feeling state of the body, I’m becoming more aware of my proclivities, good and bad. I’m trying to find them interesting instead of good or bad, and i’m trying to look at the source reason with curiosity and openness instead of predicting and trying to fix. This is an enormous shift for me, and one my current lifestyle supports because I spend all kinds of time listening to mystics and visionaries opening me up to the present moment and not always feeling like i’m under threat. Trusting life itself. Survival of the fittest may be true but it’s a gruesome way to live – i kept trying to prove myself fit in some way (and this last decade, it is very clear, strength eludes me). Life unfolding and I’m part of it? That I can get behind. And as I do, I appreciate more and more of life’s unfoldment and it makes me do things like celebrate the solstice, the rhythms of nature and it’s awesome manifest world.