making roses out of lemonade

Now, that *would* be a trick.

I’ve had a whole lot of luck during my illness. Even considering an illness may be bad luck in general even if it’s actually wildly beneficial. So, yes, getting sick focused my life in the most wonderful way possible. It has sucked to varying degrees every. damn. day. but all in all it got my life on the right track in a focused way and keeps me there with some pretty clear guidelines. Sounds a lot like a teacher, right?

Last summer, Swami Yogeshananda gave a series of talks about his time serving some of the great saints of Vedanta. Often he would tell stories of them reprimanding him or other young monks, or each other, and I remember thinking, “I would last about 5 minutes with a teacher like that.”

And, once again, I’m forced to eat my words with a dose of irony and a little cosmic humor.

God put my teacher on the inside. Genius. I can’t get away.

And my inner teacher has been completely amazing focusing my life on practices and habits that allow me to live a very normal lifestyle, if at half-speed. And, while that sounds like a bummer, once you get there you realize it’s a huge luxury. But, I digress…

I’m 10 days out from total hip replacement surgery. I’m pretty psyched. I haven’t been able to tie my own left shoe for over 5 years. I sortof feel like my body has been preparing me for this for a long time. I like a metaphor, so I really see this as an opportunity to restructure myself from my most central and powerful construction. Gene (my tai chi teacher) talks about the eight harmonies, and the hips are 1st harmony. without them, the whole system’s off kilter.

I recognize I’ve held central beliefs that it doesn’t surprise me one bit that it eroded the mechanisms related to it. I’m hardly alone in all the “i’m not good enough” “I’m too this” or “I’m too that” “they don’t like me” blah blah blah beliefs that sabotage so many otherwise brilliant and wonderful people. We are all flawed, but we all also have the fullness of God within us, so- silly to play small.

I don’t know what my future holds. I know that my very favorite thing is being in conversation about the glory of Life Itself unfolding all around us. All these other conversations (whether about groceries or religion) pale in comparison. My next favorite thing is probably laughing. But, again, I digress…

I am excited about rebuilding my being and presence, straight from first harmony. Balanced, integral foundations, firmly rooted in my own wholeness and the wholeness of all life. Taking my hips and dantien as the three faces of god wall carving that first turned me on to the mystical journey. Wow. I like that. Quite a bit. Just took that whole idea I was hoping to describe to a whole new level. I’ll need to save that for another day.

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