i don’t believe my thoughts, therefore I am…

What I am noticing today is that the less I believe in my thoughts, the grander they become to try to get my attention. and maybe i start to believe it a little bit before, phew! oh, yeah! just a thought! phew. And then another. and then another. but, again, how far down the rabbit hole I go before “choosing” as the Ascension people would say, or turning to God. Turning to God, again and again. If there is anything I want to get mastery in – i want turning to God to always be my experience, opening to Life itself, knowing it as the all-loving creator’s embrace. Tai Chi is next, but somehow I think tai chi would just be a natural part of being fully present in God-consciousness.

People like Byron Katie are really a boon. To systematically choose bliss, snip, snip, anything else. it all leads back to bliss and we can talk about it all day but witnessing it brings it more alive. Trusting the universe so completely because IT IS WHAT IS and it’s doing a splendid job of unfolding, as evidenced by its unfolding, regardless of any commentary you could bring about why it should be another way. Loving What Is. Radical.

Gene talks about Tai Chi wanting to be known. That even people very new to it can have some advanced tai chi moments in moments of need. I also think stillness wants to be known. that’s why i think every breath counts. If you take even one deep, intentional breath each day – with the objective of noticing your body breathe in and noticing it breathe out, and not being in the ‘thought stream’ for just that noticing. I think i need to get better descriptors of that, or more, but anyhow, i believe just that one breath will act as a supermagnet. it will find ways to make you want to add to it. at least for me.

a lot of people don’t want to slow down, and a lot of people can’t. but everyone, i think, wants to know how to truly relax. and that might just be a really important framing for this work. getting into the car/brakes metaphor, you need this skill – and people don’t have it and consequently extra stress, people with insomnia… deep rest, full-body relaxation, that’s a really essential capacity of this human form. and it’s a capacity I spent a lot of years paving over, and really stopped my capacity for. and as i am developing capacity the busy world keeps dancing in front of me, trying to get me to think this worry is something that needs my attention! It might be life-changing! All. The. Time.

Which is why I need so many cues. It’s why I’m always developing new ones. My habituated tendency defaults to action, to accomplishing. As soon as I feel better I should be accomplishing more. Still. After a decade.  But a decade wherein I built a structure that makes it less and less “the sky is falling” and more and more “this should be interesting…”

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